She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
