Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
