You're my little dorito
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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