My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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