In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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