mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
