Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
