i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
