eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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