i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
