Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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