She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
