8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
