some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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