wrigley field is MILF paradise
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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