dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
