we have pet lesbian snakes
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
