if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
