remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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