White coat. Heels.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
