so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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