I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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