I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
