we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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