So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
