So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
