dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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