Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
