so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
