FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
