I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
