she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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