How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
birth control should be required to get into college
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
