there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
