Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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