i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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