Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
