So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
