do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
