i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
