You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
