There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
