yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
