Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
