grandma shit on top of the toilet
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
