i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
