Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
