Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
