wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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