i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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