If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
