The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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